Fear
by Christy aka just me
Summary: Not a song fic. It's about the Dupes and what could have been their past. Semi-Rebel.


Title: Fear Author: Christy aka just me Authors notes: I don't hate Sarah McLachlan.just for the record! Summary: This is the start of Ava's journey. I just wanted to get it out now so that you know some of what she's talking about later.  
  
In the beginning.  
  
They were four dirty children, but even thought they seemed to have free rein of the house and surrounding streets, they seemed quite chubby, Nasedo thought. He couldn't imagine what they were eating, the guardians didn't seem to be involved, or maybe didn't to know how. Maybe they stole food, or dumpster dived at fancy restaurants or maybe.maybe they disemboweled people and drank their blood. It didn't matter to him. He was only there for one thing.  
  
The children were only young, yet they knew who Nasedo was and they knew what he wanted. They knew who Kivar was.father, if they could call him--or anyone else that, for that matter. The ones that came with them didn't take enough care of them. They couldn't even be called Guardians. The children all looked at the girl who was crying and not sure what to do.  
  
"You are to stay here now. At least follow these last instructions. Be a good girl." He said 'good girl' like it was a curse and it mad the little one cringe.  
  
Nasedo grabbed the other little one and began to walk away. Rath wanted to step forward. He wanted to punch and kick this bigger person. He shouldn't be taking their Ava away and leaving them with this cleaner, prettier version.  
  
Nasedo noticed. "Stand back boy! Kivar wants it this way!" He looked over at the new Ava. "Go play with your new toy!" He said to the boy. With those words, he turned and stomped off with their Ava in tow. They watched as he threw her into the car and got in to drive off.  
  
They all turned to look at new-Ava. She looked afraid and shook slightly. Lonnie circled her eying her up and down. "Let's play." Lonnie exclaimed and grabbed one of new-Ava's hands and one of Rath's. Zan brought up the rear and they all scurried out of the alley and back to the place they called home.  
  
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Jaylar ran for his life--literally. He wasn't sure they were still after him, but he didn't care to stop. They had just killed Tanisha minutes earlier in the most grisly way. He had no time to grieve though, because of the fear. He would continue to run until he found a faster way out of the city. It was theirs now.  
  
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Rath and Lonnie laughed so hard that Ava was sure they'd hurt themselves. Only Zan remained silent and except for the small grin, his face held nothing.  
  
"What do we do with the body?" He asked.  
  
"Leave it here." Lonnie pushed him. "We can find somewhere else to stay."  
  
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It was that year that they'd begun to experiment sexually. Both the boys had sex with Lonnie, all three tried humans, but preferred the satisfaction that supreme alien sex gave them. All the while, Ava stayed pure and unaware and Lonnie knew she had to do something about that. She had a talk with Zan and he said he'd take care of it. Ava was going to lose her virginity to the one man she couldn't possibly say no to.  
  
::::::::::::  
  
The radio was blaring a rock station. Their secluded lair hid the noise so that no annoying neighbors would complain. Even if anyone did, the four of them would give that person a reason not to return.  
  
Lonnie and Rath began to make out on the couch so Ava and Zan went somewhere else as always. Except this time they went to the bedroom. They sat on the bed and Zan leaned into her. She gently pushed him away.  
  
"I.I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be with you--to do what you all do, but.I'm not like you. I'm scared. I always have been."  
  
"You always act brave." He held her hand.  
  
"But inside.I know I'm different.I'm weak." She looked down.  
  
"That's what Nasedo told you. He wanted you to fail here--he expected it. But you showed him." He looked almost proud. When she said nothing, he grabbed her face in his hands and made her look him in the eyes.  
  
"Ava, do you believe in destiny?" He watched her eyes agree before she replied.  
  
"Yes." She whispered.  
  
"I know you do, because I do too. And I bet I know who you're waiting for. He looks like me, but he's not me."  
  
"How do you.?"  
  
"I often think of Ava.the other Ava. She was mine, just like he was yours. But I've already figured out that I can't have her!" He almost yelled at her. "You have to do the same and let your dream go. We don't even know where they are. They could be in a different country!"  
  
"That's unlikely." She grew quiet. "Do you really think.?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'm here and at least you know I look like him."  
  
"Will you be thinking of her when.?"  
  
"I can't say that I won't be."  
  
"Okay." She agreed and leaned forward awkwardly. Her virginity showed in her kisses, her touch, but somehow Zan loved her for it.  
  
He went slowly, knowing it would be better if he did. She trembled in fear until he made her tremble with desire and when the time came to join, he was sure that she was in great pain and pleasure--all together. He knew this because they connected in those moments of joining. They could feel each other, because they were each other. They collapsed breathless and sweating in each other's arms.  
  
**.but I fear, I have nothing to give, I have so much to lose here in this lonely place, tangled up in our embrace, there's nothing I'd like better than to fall.**  
  
The sappy song drifted in from the other room and in that instant Zan knew two things. He hated Sarah McLachlan, and that he loved Ava--this Ava, with every limit of his being. And it frightened him. He knew that he would protect her with every cell in his body. Even if it meant dying.  
  
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Well Zan did end up dying, but for a foolish cause. Lonnie and Rath never really wanted to go home.not really. They were playing this game where the hurt inside them didn't go away until they made something else hurt.  
  
Ava met Zan two, or one--his name was Max--for a brief while. He knew nothing about the switch. Rath and Lonnie left her in Roswell. She had to steal and lie to get home. She was thinking they would be proud of her, but when she got there, they were gone. She was alone.  
  
For a while she looked for them at their old haunts--unable to accept the fact that they would leave her, but they had. She knew her efforts were hopeless so she got a job and lived the life.the one where you eat, sleep and go to work. She was actually getting used to the mundane rhythm, but nothing ever stays the same and she began to dream strange dreams. She had to steal a baby and find Zan two.. 


End file.
